_different way to protect_

(tulisan ini diketik oleh penulis dalam keadaan sangat sangat saaaangat mengantuk.jam stg 3 pagi gitu loh....cuman harus keluar dari kepala.. so..if reading this makes u dizzy.. then i apologize.... but then again.. it's my blog.. hehehehehehe.. apa sih. ngantuk ah..)


Rasa itu muncul pertama kali, sangat kuat.. aku masih inget kapan dan dimana rasa itu datang.
Saat itu nalea baru lahir. 3 tahun yang lalu.
Dia tertidur pulas abis mimik.. aku terbaring di sampingnya.. tak bosan bosannya kutatap wajah mungil itu.. dan rasa itu pun datang..
"i will protect this baby with my life. I will keep all the harm away from her way."

..hari berganti hari, berganti minggu, berganti bulan..
aku tiba2 inget.. masa2 badung dulu, masa2 gak bisa dibilangin, masa2 sakit hati dan ngerasa 'udah gede', walopun dibilangin berkali2, tetep keukeuh sama pendapat sendiri.. And then it hits me!
There'll be time when Nalea wud think like i did.
Thinking that she's big enuf and that i live thousand years ago, so i cud never possibly understand..
there'll be times when she will feel hurt, no matter how i protect her. and all i can do, is watch.. maybe cheering her up.. but not more. No matter how i wish the pain is mine..
the thoughts of it just break my heart..

terus.. kuamati Nalea kecil yang terus berkembang.. hari demi hari...hal2 yang harus dia pelajari sendiri. yangharus dia ketahui konsekwensinya..

dan aku sadar hal penting yang aku lupa..
..ibu bukanlah protector.. i can not protect her with my hands and mind the whole time.. can not watch her each minute of her life..
she shud know what to do (or not do) when i'm not around.
I have to make her ready to be her own bodyguard. I need to make her independent.. for her own sake.
It will not be easy to see her doing her own mistake(s) in life.. but, she'll learn from it.

Aku cuma berharap aku bisa ngasih bekal yang mantap untuk langkahnya ke depan..
Bismillahirrahmanirrahiimmm..
dadaku berdegup keras, sadar bahwa titipan ini akan jadi tanggung jawabku nanti..


kita berjuang sama2 ya, nak..